"I have been scouring Internaut this week for a replacement to my beloved, now departed, gnome-and-mushroom doormat. The neighbors in our building are friendly and at least courteous, though most are outright friendly; however, at least one bastard dwells here, having pilfered our mat under cover of night. Alas! A new era begins. This is the best doormat I have been able to find; I saw it and the spirits said YES. I am addressing it to Laura, my sweetheart, who will be as delighted as she is surprised by its arrival. Thank you!" -Kyle
